10 Random Thoughts That I Actually Wrote And Aren't Just Some Random Email Forward Trash

1. When typing Satan, especially in something that will be read by the public, it is really important not to leave out the first A. You don’t want to publish something like this, “Stan’s rebellion after his release ends with his followers being consumed by fire from heaven.” Especially if you have friends named Stan.

2. Just exactly what is the point of the white crayon?

3. After having a hairy face for well over a year, and then shaving it, I understand Chuck Norris’s compulsory need for his mustache.

4. I want to be like a tree, as the song goes, but sometimes I feel like a plastic pinwheel stuck in someone else’s front yard.

5. Having three cats rather than two creates a whole new layer of feline social angst.

6. Can we please tax STUPID? Either the national debt will disappear or people will get a clue. We win either way.

7. Who really thought cigarettes were a good idea? Yes, I think I will cram a piece of paper full of an addictive—cancer-spawning-substance, set it on fire, and then put it in my mouth.

8. I think the presidential inauguration should somehow include the phrase, “winner, winner, chicken dinner.”

9. How many morons does it take to reform healthcare? I think we’re about to find out.

10. People either love the Bible, or they hate the Bible, but few enough on either side actually know what it says. Fewer still know what it means.